Hey everyone,
I’ve got a best man speech (which I haven’t written) due quite soon, and I thought I’d ask on here to see if anyone has any cool suggestions for a family-friendly speech.
I’ve know the guy years and have a few funny anecdotes, but I’m thinking of sticking in some cheesy gimmicks just to get some giggles.

Any ideas?

For fuck’s sake don’t do what seems to have become the industry standard speech these days, where you relentlessly take the piss out of the groom and then relentlessly trawl through his sexual history, listing all his psycho ex-girlfriends. Every time, you can see that the bride’s mum either looks totally pissed off or like she wishes the best man would just crawl away and die.

I know it sounds a bit cheesy but have you considered the possibility of a speech where you tell everyone what a great guy the groom is, how perfect his new bride is for him and - drum roll - say it like you mean it. I think you might be surprised at how well that goes down with the crowd. If you can’t be 100% proud and supportive of a good friend on his wedding day then when can you be? Sling in a few gags and some subtle double-entendres that will make the adults giggle while going right over the heads of the kids and, if you go back far enough, why not bring up some anecdotes from when you were young which show that he’s either (a)changed completely or (b) hasn’t changed at all.

Really importantly, if you possibly can, write it out as far ahead as you can and learn it backwards. Practice it on your own until it’s second nature and then run through it a few times in front of a couple of trusted mates to see what they think. Then, on the big day, you’ll only need a card in your pocket with a few bullet points to steer you back on course if you start to lose the thread. Good, confident delivery will count for at least as much as the words you speak - and people will be suitably impressed.

And the cheesy gimmicks? Erm… Do you want to be remembered as the best Best Man anyone in the room has ever known or the guy who told all the wedding guests about how the groom enjoys shagging in bus stops and then tried to stick a rubber chicken up the bride’s mum’s dress?

Ming the Merciless - 16 May 2008 03:30 PM

For fuck’s sake don’t do what seems to have become the industry standard speech these days, where you relentlessly take the piss out of the groom and then relentlessly trawl through his sexual history, listing all his psycho ex-girlfriends. Every time, you can see that the bride’s mum either looks totally pissed off or like she wishes the best man would just crawl away and die.

I know it sounds a bit cheesy but have you considered the possibility of a speech where you tell everyone what a great guy the groom is, how perfect his new bride is for him and - drum roll - say it like you mean it. I think you might be surprised at how well that goes down with the crowd. If you can’t be 100% proud and supportive of a good friend on his wedding day then when can you be? Sling in a few gags and some subtle double-entendres that will make the adults giggle while going right over the heads of the kids and, if you go back far enough, why not bring up some anecdotes from when you were young which show that he’s either (a)changed completely or (b) hasn’t changed at all.

Really importantly, if you possibly can, write it out as far ahead as you can and learn it backwards. Practice it on your own until it’s second nature and then run through it a few times in front of a couple of trusted mates to see what they think. Then, on the big day, you’ll only need a card in your pocket with a few bullet points to steer you back on course if you start to lose the thread. Good, confident delivery will count for at least as much as the words you speak - and people will be suitably impressed.

And the cheesy gimmicks? Erm… Do you want to be remembered as the best Best Man anyone in the room has ever known or the guy who told all the wedding guests about how the groom enjoys shagging in bus stops and then tried to stick a rubber chicken up the bride’s mum’s dress?

what happened to Merciless?

Even clapped-out, cynical, bitter, cruel, sarcastic, sadistic, jaded old fucks like to look on the bright side from time to time. And, anyway, if you give a *really* impressive old man’s speech it’s amazing how compliant female guests tend to be when the booze starts flowing. All that sugar is only there to disguise the chloroform…

Ming the Merciless - 16 May 2008 05:22 PM

Even clapped-out, cynical, bitter, cruel, sarcastic, sadistic, jaded old fucks like to look on the bright side from time to time. And, anyway, if you give a *really* impressive old man’s speech it’s amazing how compliant female guests tend to be when the booze starts flowing. All that sugar is only there to disguise the chloroform…

HE’S BACK

Never doubt it, Mr. Wanka. Right, I’m off out now to find some puppies to kick in front of disadvantaged crippled kids. I do love the weekend; it gives you so much time to do the things you really love.

A friend of mine gave his best man speach at another friends wedding. His speach was three lines long saying how nice the bride and groom were, and everyone should raise a glass. He got a round of applaus. If you knew my mate allan you’d understand why.

yes, you managed to get me curious… how’s Allan?

This is (should be) your only chance to ‘air his dirty laundry’ as they say, so go for it! I wouldn’t bother about the ex’s just stick to the good stuff that nobody else will know about, ie. porn related storys, the time he got chatted up when he accidentally went into a gay bar and other hilarious events that he would rather were kept secret from his now extended family!

http://www.thebestmanspeech.com/

Don’t start the speech at your best mates second wedding with

“Well, here we are again.I recognize half of you...”

Guaranteed room killer.

Trust me, I know…

The shortest sentence in the English language: I am
The longest sentence in the English language: I do

====================================================

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches on Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.

People would say, ‘What a peaceful & loving couple.’ The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

‘Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America,’ explained the man. ‘We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona, and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by mule. We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s mule stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the mule and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’’

‘We proceeded a little further and her mule stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, ‘That’s twice.’ We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the mule dead.’

I SHOUTED at her, ‘What’s wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you crazy?!?’ She looked at ME, and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’

And from that moment… we have lived happily every after.’

oldwilli

snowball - 16 May 2008 11:32 PM

yes, you managed to get me curious… how’s Allan?

My friend Allan is a great, but a little shy. Doesn’t really like crowds.