...and I am very, very pleased with myself.
First of all I hope I’m posting this in the correct forum. However I doubt you will care!
It’s something I’ve suspected for a while, after a few little conversations we’ve had. Trouble is she is quite shy and easily embarrassed about this stuff so it’s been quite difficult to get her talking.
The first definite sign something was going on happened about a year and a half ago. What happened would probably give most guys a heart attack, and I guess it did me at first. From a little snooping around, I found out she was registered on some dating site looking for other girls. Now this left me feeling a way I’d never really felt before… shocked, my heart was pounding, I was jittery… only I had an erection! Despite the obvious concerns that she could have gone off men entirely, my ever-optimistic dick told me hey, this could turn out in your favour! So I decided not to bring the topic up, and instead I laid low and kept a watchful eye on what she got up to online over the next few months.
I soon got pretty bored of checking every few days only to be disappointed, but still I persisted. I guess with time it did start to get to me a bit - why would she do that behind my back? But things were going pretty good between us so I decided I’d wait before raising it. Inevitably, though, it came up one day in an argument. That day she swore blind she did it for me, she wanted to arrange a threesome but freaked out, and I guess I had no choice but to take her word for it.
A couple of things still concerned me though - why hadn’t she discussed it with me beforehand? And why, if it was all for ME, why had she not advertised the fact that we were a couple and listed herself as lesbian? I decided to leave it a little longer and keep checking on her every now and then.
Now I live about 200 miles away from my hometown, and I still write music with one of my friends back home, so I go and visit for a few days every month or so. Of course whenever I get back I check what she’s been up to. Sure enough, the first time I went away after this incident, I discovered she’d been browsing Literotica (a website that hosts thousands of erotic stories). So I look into it a little closer… sure enough, the story is ‘My first lesbian experience’, and she’d even been looking at a couple of movies linked to the site. And this wasn’t a one off - basically every time I’ve been away since, she has been reading these stories. Not once has she read anything about straight sex - except for one time she read about an MFF threesome, but from what I could tell, it was a fairly brief glance.
So this put me in a tricky situation. I wanted to believe she just had this side of her that she wanted to explore, and things were going great between us as usual, but all the evidence (except for her living with me, obviously) pointed to more than just a curiosity. I waited a good few months up until last weekend when I finally brought up the topic.
And, well, looks like it could be the beginning of the best thing I ever did! It took a lot of prying (and I guess I probably pissed her off a lot trying to get all this info, but it needed doing), but she basically admitted she has been attracted to girls as well as guys since before we even met (we met at 18 and have been together for 5 1/2 years since then). She admitted that she did sign up for the dating site for her own benefit, but got too freaked out to take it anywhere too. I’m not a jealous guy so this hasn’t really bothered me - but I would like to think if she was willing to do that, she will be willing to do it for me at some point!
So… I hope you guys like my little story. I know some girls tell their guys about these kind of feelings from day one, but this was big for me!
Now, how do I get to take this further? Your comments/suggestions/experiences please!!!