When i got divorced and forced out of my home by the ex-wife, i decided to book into a holiday chalet in a real remote part of Suffolk County...I lived there for nearly 2 months and cost me a small fortune...But hey...they had free jacuzzi, sauna and pool...and i got laid a few times…

Anyways…

This holiday park had Peacocks roaming free…

One of these male Peacocks decided that i was his next ‘best friend’ and he would just walk inside my chalet whenever the door was open...( he would peck and make a noise if the door was closed )

No matter what i was doing...I could be sitting there eating my dinner...Watching TV...etc… and he would walk in...walk past me...walk out in the kitchen..in the bathroom…

I used to feed him Cornflakes...They’re Greaaaat!

He even stayed an entire night...sleeping next to the TV...and when he wanted to leave...Well...you can imagine...5ft from yo’ head…

Now, i live near the beach...in a foresty bit...and feed the foxes…

What you had an encounter with..???

Whats the wildest animal that ever got close to you..??

Just curious…

DB

Lol, stupid peacock..

Well, I`ve driven through a zoo with lions walking around your car, driven over some seaguls.
Nothing much. Don`t like wild animals.. let them be in the forrest” hehe

Stoffy

I killed a squirrel with my car while driving to an indian take-away (does hitting one count as an encounter?).
Oh and I got bitten by a small monkey on my 16th b/day at Southport zoo… it thought my finger was a peanut....at least I got to expose myself to a nurse the next day at my local hospital while having a tetanus in my arse....and to be fair,the poor creature shouldn`t have been locked up,he should have been allowed to roam free (I`m talking about my nob when I was bending over for the nurse,of course).
Charlie (glad to have unburdoned myself at last)

Charlie…

The Monkey bite is acceptable…

Using your car to kill a squirrel, isn’t an ‘encounter’.....( and i hope you picked up the flattened body and mixed it in with the ‘medium chicken with white rice and 6 poppadom’ )

DB

I used to have nightmares about Tigers as a child. I put it down to the Fuck Off Esso poster my dad got buying petrol and I hung on my wall....
I had dreams about Tigers that could run up my stairs, smash down my doors and even fly on to the top of the shed!

In later life I was tour managing a Theatre Company and got tickets to go round a safari park. We went in the Sherpa van and went into the Tiger enclosure. The “Turns” (actors) were quite bored by this and I was a bit wired and thought “Fuck It” Got out of the van and went to run round it, bumped into the biggest fattest (And luckily)most idle Tiger in the history of Christendom. Tell you what, nightmares stopped forever.

PS. One pair of underpants for sale. One very uncareful user!

When I’m older I’ll tell you my Africa stories..

My family is rather good at being chased by wild animals. The stand outs are:
- My sister being chased/mobbed by these giant pelicans at the zoo. She was absolutely surrounded by them, and when she tried to get away they start to make noise and chase her. Funny shit. Wish I had a camera with me.
- My friends and I go chased by black swans. We had food. They wanted our food. We sure as fuck weren’t giving them our food. Much honking and running insued.
- My sister (again) being chased by swans (again, swans hate us). She ran into the water to try and get away from them. I nearly wet myself laughing.

Before me and my sister, my parents had ducks. My dad taught them to fly. Not the brightest idea he ever had.
When they moved they had to leave the ducks behind. They sold them to the green gorcers who promised to look after them. I sure they did. I’m sure the ducks were nice and safe inside their customers’ stomachs.

When we were younger we lived near a zoo which had glass between you and the animals. My grandfather was taking myself & my sister around the zoo. We stopped at the lions, and something about us attracted the lions. One of them ran at full flight and smaked into the glass right in front of us. Funny and terrifying and the same time. It was like watching a bird smack into a window because it couldn’t see it, except it was the gigantic lion (ok, it was gigantic because I was like 10 at the time, but still).

Oh yeah, and before I was born I managed to kick my aunt’s cat. She jumped on my mum just as a kicked. That cat never fucking forgave me. Hated me for the rest of its life.

Yeah, animals like my family. Totally.

When i was younger i had an above ground pool about 5 feet tall, so its spring time and my dad decides to drain it out and replace the water, so its drained overnight and some fucking raccoon hops in and tears the lining to shreds, so me being the angree 9 year old, i take a hockey stick and play a perverted version of whack a mole, its going in and out of the ruined lining im whacking it. It died, and i had to put it in a garbage bag (my parents made me put on gloves and do it cause i killed it).

I’ve had my fair share of encounters with some large cocks and the occasional wild pussy.

When I was a child I usto my family usto live in Botswana in a very remote town…

The biggest problem we had was because there was a drought (which continued for 7 years) the animals would try anything for water. A cow can smell water from around 7 km away, our school swimming gala had to be cancelled because we had a cow happily plodding along in our pool. Luckily the pool wasnt so deep.

I’ve been to the Kruger National Park in SA, there I’ve had lions and warthog walking past my car as well as elephants about 5 meters away. A truly amazing sight.

b6

I was once mucking around at the garden in the house in spain, brushed aside a bush and came face to face with a lynx or a small predator cat type thing, pretty sure it was a lynx

Well been on safari in Kenya and Tanzania so have seen some cool sights! One morning at dawn we drove down into a tiny valley where there was a stream - and right in front of us there was a lion! and then to the left and right there were more that we didn’t even see!! crazy being so close to them - I’ll post some pics when I get a chance… I also used to work in a zoo so have played with baby tigers that got abandoned by the mother - They used to play with us every morning - that was amazing. I’ve held a baby chimp too that was abandoned and eventually went to bristol.

And when I was in Canada for a couple of months we had a raccoon that figured out how to open the window in the front room!! Hilarious. Came home from a couple of nights out on the beer to a raccoon in the front room, and some morning when I’d be going out to work at 4am it’d be there asleep on the couch.

There was a cat that did that too, I used to feed it anything I could find. Until one day he came in a pissed on one of the girls beds so I was forbidden to feed the cat - I still did though.....

DB, do pissed-up Manchester United fans count?

I used to shoot animals (mainly birds and small mammals) with an air rifle when I was a young ‘un. Set fire to ant’s nests. Cover slugs with burning candle wax. Pull the legs off of spiders. Play cricket with live frogs (not French people, the amphibians). The sound of amphibian against willow wood is a joy. The normal things in life when you’re growing up.

whackaday - 10 June 2007 07:20 PM

Play cricket with live frogs (not French people, the amphibians). The sound of amphibian against willow wood is a joy. The normal things in life when you’re growing up.

Ummm… ehhh… yeah… normal…