So I get like 500 spams a day, and some of them are funny. This because the people writing them are clearly morons, with no sense of grammar. I want to share them with you as a P.S.A. This way, you’ll get a laugh.
The red text are my comments
Please post your own idiotic mails here. You probably get a few too.
You have emerged Winner I emerged winner? from this Weeks Draws.Contact
Mr Bruce Washburn (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
For Claims Of Funds,Provide the Following Information in your Email, Full Name Email Address Home Address Sex Age Occupation Tel Country How do they know I won, when they don’t have this information?
Winning Details,
Amount Won: £691,252
Date Of Draw:September 5th 2007.
QUEST Consultants:Private Investigators and Security Consultants is conducting a standard process investigation on behalf of Gold Lake Security Company the international Banking conglomerate, and we will like you to assist with this Independent Enquiry.
This investigation involves a client who shares the same surname with you and also the circumstances surrounding the deposit of 3,000,000.00 Great Britian Pounds sterling made by this client at Gold Lake Security Company the client intestate and nominated no successor in title over the deposit made with the Gold Lake Security Firm.
The essence of this communication with you is to request you provide us information/comments on any or all of the two issues:
1-Are you aware of any relative/relation who shares your same surname. Kinda the point with a family name?
2-Are you aware of any investment of considerable value made by such a personat the Financial Trust Corporation Security Company? All the time
The funds has been programmed for immediate release to the relation with International Monetary Fund (IMF). How do you program funds?
It is pertinent that you inform us ASAP whether or not you are familiar with this personality that we may put an end to this communication with you and our inquiries surrounding this personality. You must appreciate that we are constrained from providing you with more detailed information at this point. Finding the right personality could be hard, would be easier just to search for the person, no?
Please respond to this mail as soon as possible to afford us the opportunity to close this investigation. Thank you for accommodating our enquiry. Please reply via this office (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
RE: CONFIRMATION OF YOUR FINAL PAYMENT OF USD12.5MILLION After our crucial Yes, life or death situation. meeting today with the the Presidency, we write to inform you that your payment has been approved for immediate release through our Foreign Credit Commission into your account. Thank you mister president.
Our Foreign Credit Commission in Europe will release your payment within 72 hours of your accreditation. You are advised to get back to us immedaitely with your Telphone Spellcheck? and fax number for futher briefing.
UNITED NATIONS
(WORLD BANK ASSISTED PROGRAMME)
DIRECTORATE OF INTERNATIONAL
PAYMENT AND TRANSFERS.
870 UNITED NATIONS PLAZA 20-A NEW YORK NY 10017
WIRE TRANSFER/AUDIT U NIT
Our Ref: WB/NF/UN/XX027
ATTN: Beneficiary, That’s a fucking long address
IRREVOCABLE RELEASE OF YOUR PAYMENT
We have actually Yes, they Actually got permission to do this, and stay up after nine. been authorized by the newly appointed UN secretary general,News to me. and the governing body of the UNITED NATIONS monetary unit, to investigate the unnecessary delay of your inheritance fund, recommended and approve in your favour.
During the course of our investigation, we discovered with dismay We were liek WTF? that your payment has been unnecessarily Delayed by corrupt officials of the Bank who are Trying to divert your money into their private accounts, Bastards to forestall this, security for your funds Was organized in the form of your personal Identification number (PIN) ATM CARD genious, because bankers would’nt in any way get to my account without a piece of plastic this will enable only you have direct Control over this fund, we have also agreed with the Presidency He loves me that we will handle this payment ourselves to avoid the hopeless situation created by the Officials of the bank. We obtained an irrevocable payment guarantee on your Payment from the presidency we are happy to inform you that based on our recommendation/instructions; your Entire Inheritances fund has been
credited in your favor through ATM card. I should be so lucky, lucky lucky lucky
You are therefore advice send you contact to REV ROGER HEDGES International Audit unit, United Nations Liaison Office London EMAIL: (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) to collect your original payment slip with your ATM card. The UN is using Yahoo now?
They will issue you an ATM card that you can use to withdraw money in any ATM machine any part of the world, but the maximum is fifteen thousand dollars per a day. Later, you’ll see the full sum of the fund, and it’s 8.3 millions. By my calculations, it will take me 554 (a) days to withdraw that. It was acually 553 and a bunch of 3s, but I rounded it up.
So you like to receive your funds through this means kindly let us know by contacting the card payment center and also send the following information as stated below.
1. YOUR FULL NAMES
2. PHONE AND FAX NUMBER,
3. ADDRESS WERE YOU WANT THEM TO SEND THE ATM CARD
TO (P.O BOX NOT ACCEPTABLE)
4. YOUR AGE AND CURRENT OCCUPATION
5. Home Equity {YES OR NO}.
You managed this investegation without this information?
NOTE: YOU ARE ADVICED TO FURNISH REV HEDGES I’m to WHAT? WITH YOUR CORRECTCONTACT DETAILS. AND ALSO BE INFORMED THAT THE AMOUNT TO BE PAID NOW IS $8.3 MILLION THE REST WILL BE PAID LATTER. Do you see the lack of space between CORRECTCONTACT, and the double space between CORRECTCONTACT and DETAILS? The space jumped 8 letters
We expect your urgent response to this email to enable us monitor this payment effectively..
CONGRATULATIONS. Thanks a LATTER
CAPT. JAMES C. WILLIAMS
UNITED NATIONS, NEW YORK
ello, It is my warmest It’s nice to spread warmth pleasure in drawing your attention to this confidential business proposal.Despite the fact that we have not met or done anything before, So let’s meet for a coffee sometimeI want to assure you that this business will definitely benefit both of us Fuck ya!.So I pray that you give this proposal some consideration Please do. I am John Amane Clarke, the managing director of Diamond Security And Storage Company Ghana,one of the best in Africa,where most African leaders and prominent men deposit their valuables such as money,diamond,gold etc. I have been with this company for the past 10 years now so I am conversant with everything that goes on in it.Presently,there are some consignments deposited by some people for the past 6 years with nobody coming for them or paying for their dumorage.I carried out a private investigation and found out that some of them are dead and there are no traces of any member of their families.To me this is an opportunity to make money.And this is where you come in,You will present yourself as the beneficiary of one Mark Zumba,who owns 2 of such consignments. If you agree to do this business,all the relevant documents will be prepared in your name for the consignment to be transferred to your country.And I shall come over to meet you so we can then share the valuables in these boxes. The worth of the contents inside each of these boxes is $10million.I have arranged with a diplomatic courier that will deliver them at any designated place of your choice. I shall give you 20% of the deal if you indicate interest.I am assuring you that you shall not be subjected to any form of risk, if you indicate interest.I hope to further strengthen my business relationship with you after the execution of this one.Despite the fact that we have not done business before,I strongly believe that for the sake of God, You’re taking the piss, right? you will exhibit a trust worthy character when you receive these consignments.Please note that your ability to keep this transaction confidential, Posting them on a forum, not right? is very important for the sake of my job and reputation.Hoping to hear from you soonest. soonest, really? Please do not reply this message, instead You can contact me on my private e.mail: (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) John A. Clarke.
The money was moved under the co-operation of a new partner from Japan. Presently,I’m in South Korea for the purpose of investing my own share of the money. (Me ruv u rong time) Meanwhile I did’nt forget your past efforts and attempts in assisting me to move the cash even though we were not successful. (Bugger!) So feel free and contact my Secetray, Mr.Peace Nnamdi, (Peace y’all) and give him instructions on where to send the sum of (US$1,500,000.00) one million five hundred thousand United Sates (I went to the Sates once) Dollars, which I kept as acompensation (Hi there, I’m the paperclip. Press F7 for spellcheck) for all your past efforts. Please let me know immediately you recieve it,
Finally, Note that your phone number is needed, therefore send your phone number to him. (I’m your dearest friend, and you don’t have my number?) Name of my secretary is Mr.Peace Nnamdi Email below:( (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) )(We all rememeber the second secretary war in Denmark, it’s nice to know that Yahoo in said country remembers. Secretary peace!)
phone + 229- 938-591-02
Best regards,
Mr.Peter Obi
Yeah, I’m no giving this thread up that easy, let’s call it a PSA
[Zenith Bank ATM
RE:YOUR PAYMENT NOTIFICATION
From:MR PIUS OKOYE.
Remittance Manager
Zenith Bank Of Nigeria.
Cell Number:+234-8034724339
Email:piusokoye6@myway.com
Attention:Beneficiary
(Why do I use a bank all way around the world? Good intrests and they gave me goat as a welcome-gift)
This is to officially inform you that we have verified your contract file
presently on my desk, (so thats where I left that file) and I found out that you have not received your payment
due to your lack of co-operation and not fulfilling the obligations giving to
you in respect to your contract payment. (Hope it constitutes a spanking)Secondly, you
are hereby adviced to stop dealing with some non-officials in the bank as this
is an illegal act (Then maybe your hot daughter shouldn’t be a intern then, and what she did to me was only illegal in some red states) and will have to stop if you so wish to receive your payment immediately.After the board meeting held at our headquarters, we have resolved
in finding a solution to your problem, and as
you may know, we have arranged your payment through our SWIFT CARD PAYMENT
CENTRE in Europe, America,Africa and Asia Pacific, which is the instruction
given by our president, ALAHAJI USMAN AMIR YARADUA (GCFR)
Federal Republic of Nigeria.This card centre will send you an ATM CARD which
you will use to withdraw your money in an ATM MACHINE in any part of the world,
but the maximum is ($15,000.00) Thousand Us Dollars per transaction. So, if you
like to receive your fund this way,reply to this
officeimmidietly for the isueing of your (ATM)CARD.
(1) Your Full Name
(2) Address where you want the payment centre to send your ATM CARD.
(3) Phone And Fax Number
(4)SEX (You just told me to NOT do that anymore with your employes)
We shall be expecting to receive your information you have to stop any further
communication with anybody or office apart from this office of the presidency.
On this regards, do not hesitate to contact me for more details and direction,
and also please do update me with any new
development.
Thanks for your co-operation.
Best Regards,
MR PIUS OKOYE Remittance Manager
Zenith Bank Of Nigeria.
email me back to (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)(They’re cheap, so cheap that they can’t afford their own domain)
Note: Because of impostors, we hereby issue you with our code of conduct, which
is (905) so you have to indicate this code when contacting or emailingthis CARD
CENTRE. (Oh shit, I just posted the secret code on a forum)
MR PIUS OKOYE
You probably don’t give a flying fuck about this stuff, but it’s kinda fun for some
