she wants you to write her a 500 word essay in which you say how much you love her.

http://www.totallycrap.com/magazine/tina_aka_date_girl_needs_you/

We want you to write a 500 word essay about how much you don’t love her.

Winner gets a t-shirt and TC calendar so dump your entries here.

500 words exactly…

It’s been a long time since I’ve had the opportunity to look at a picture like yours evoking such emotions from deep within me.

The first thing that strikes me as I gaze at your picture, the feelings which awoke deep from within me, was your gargoyle-like face with distorted and disjointed features so gently decorated with a pair of glasses that wouldn’t look out of place on a dead dog – and since neither living nor dead dogs actually wear glasses – rest assured, the look is not a good one.  Your makeup would make the worst embalmer cry.

Your badly fitting shirt seems incapable and uninterested in containing any of the ripples on your flabby, overgrown belly or misshapen under-developed breasts (which appear to be growing from under your arms rather than your chest). 

Incredibly, from the photo, I can actually hear the belt around the top of your car-boot-sale jeans screaming to be released or perhaps it’s just the screeching of the leatherette as it stretches beyond recognition around your ample, child-bearing hips.

But I must be fair with you, on a much more positive note; your beaming smile ignites wonderful memories of long summer evenings adorned with the squeals of joy which accompany a pack of drunken Chavs gang raping a stray animal.

Even more remarkable about your picture is the ability to see your future in your eyes (even through your fish bowl glasses).  Clearly you will have the world at your feet the moment you reach the top of the council housing list.  Should you be lucky enough to find someone to actually be in the same room let alone touch you, your 12 illegitimate from 13 different fathers will no doubt place you in a social class so low, and so depraved that even the flies, rats and cockroaches will avoid you.

I must be honest with you.  You are an animal.  You are ugly, shapeless, plain.  You portray yourself to be even more stupid than you look and it can never be stressed enough – you really are ugly, ugly and ugly.  You no doubt are and always will be on the dregs of society.  You will be treated worse than sewage waste – and that really is too good for you.  Ants wouldn’t even crawl over you should they come across you lying in the gutter having filled yourself up on curries, kebabs and Tesco value ale.  You are lower than ant piss.  Should you try to sell your soul to the devil, he will be first in the queue at customer services seeking a full refund and an apology.

If I cared about you enough, I would definitely suggest suicide.  But why should you be given the opportunity to waste the time of those that would need to break a sweat to scrape you off the gutter.  At least alive you will be able to provide those around you as a figure to be laughed at and humiliated.  Yes Tina, you are a disgrace.

Aww. Humper, you romantic fool…

Humper, you better be between the ages of 14 and 83!

This guy for real?

‘But I must be fair with you, on a much more positive note; your beaming smile ignites wonderful memories of long summer evenings adorned with the squeals of joy which accompany a pack of drunken Chavs gang raping a stray animal. ‘

hahaha this is a work of literary genius, good work.

Hello Tina!

I love the way your body makes me wanna puke everytime i dont feel well.
I love the way i can imagine smashing your uglyass head against a brick wall over and over splattering all of it bit by bit on the floor.
I love the way i can suspense my orgasm everytime i fuck my delicious looking girlfriend just by thinking of your skanky ass.
I love it anytime someone is giving me a hard time, i can imagine them having sex with you to make me feel better about myself.

These are all the things why i love you Tina, and believe me, no-one loves you more then me.

But there are a lot of things I hate about you.
Its all evolutionary Tina, siblings shouldnt mate. You ever heard these stories about pests in Australia, like goats and frogs and such that dont belong in that country? You know what they do with these animals? They get shot through the Fuckin head. But Tina it shouldnt have to be this way, nowadays suicide doesnt have to be painfull anymore. End our suffering, as the deranged ugly jesus you could be.You see Tina, there isnt any other way. Let nature follow its century old path. Just help her a little thats all im saying.
When you look in our worlds history, there have already been outcasts before you, like Stalin, Hitler, Mao, Bush for instance. This doesnt have to happen again, history shouldnt repeat its self over and over.!
Tina girl, when i look into your eyes, i see the eyes of a psychopath, a dictator, a stone cold killer and a sex offender. It seriously gives me the heebajeebies. So, Tina, you can put a stop this all of this, Right Now!

To end this Essay off, I personally dont believe that you dont have a penis. I contacted experts that are personal friends of mine, they are professors in human anatomy, and their conclusion leads me to believe that you in fact own a 1.2 inch micropenis. I really cant understand why you would hide this from your fans. Tina, in this era of tons of make up and plastic surgery, where is the truth? I bet you even masturbate on it, while stroking your tiny miniature ballsack. YOU DISGUST ME TINA. How many guys will you break down when your older and your face and body is reconstructed for thousands of dollars. How many nightmares will you let them have after they find out its you. You will leave behind a trail of selfcastrated and mutilated men, unable to love a woman ever again for the rest of their lives. Is that what you want Tina, is that the dream of your live? You sick filthy pig! You disgust me to the bone Tina.
Tina, for the last time, stop all of this from happening now.

I will stop writing now and will check the functions of my penis again in 2 days.

essentially love,you`r nothing more than a pair of tits...and even they arn`t any good
in fact you`r such a waste of space that I couldn`t even be bothered to either:
1 write 500 words
2 join myspace in order to send it to you

Charlie

hmmmmm. 500 positive words. Will 8 do.
Here goes.
At least your better looking then Gérard Depardieu.

Old man.........you should have gone to specs savers.

I did. And those fuckers sold me shite glasses. Fucking ass holes

Does, “I’d fuck her, but then I’m constantly drunk and have a slight drug missuse problem”, count as an essay?

You’re ugly and I want a fuckin T-Shirt already dude x 50

-A.Filth

Oh, yeh. I want a tshirt. I’ve posted enough crap. And I said I’d fuck the pug.

Ohh Tina....poor poor Tina.

This is a perfect example on how medicrety and shock value has ruin the world we live in.  First off let me go though all the reasons posting a video on youtube about your final cries of desperation is retarded.  Your tossing your soul to the wolves.  This makes you more repulsive then that fat kid bouncing on a couch.  Which is really hard to do.  Kudos.  I had more fun laughing at your video then i did at the “leave Britany alone” Guy...girl....whatever the fuck he is.  Though i give you credit.  You squeezed a tear out here and there.  Makes the fans wild.  And my abdomen colapse.  So that was bad enough....but no.  It gets better.

You actually think you’re not going to get any negative response from this?  Its a final desperations video!  You didn’t even try and look good in it. I’m not saying you have a lot of hope but god damn.  Put a little blush on.  Maybe you can get those old perverts that go for the preteen sluts to notice you then.  So already you have a complete lack of effort.  And then your demands.  WTF?!?!  Why didnt you just say “I want Superman to come take me.  And not have sex even though im going to dress all sluty”.  That in itself is a different argument (which i will cover later) So from what i gather right off the bat is your a lazy, unmotivated chubby chick with no self esteem talking about your perfect guy?  For someone who doesn’t “want to talk about sex all the time” you sure have a lot of demands.  So you dreams are unrealistic.  Thats cool, i too have had my share of fanasies.  Though i know how to open my eyes and actually work for shit.

So now to your angry response video.  I’m gay?!?!  That’s it?  Thats your big come back?  I’m gay and going to hell.  Lets think about this shall we?  If you dont have the sense to think about what your going to say before you go and film yourself then you no better then all those reality tv loving zombies out there with nothing better to do then watch tv, get fat and sulk about how crappy your life is.  Your the one recording!  You have ample time to think about this shit.  You say the people who dont like you dont matter but the though of it tears you apart.  Your a fucking hypocrite.  And what the hell was the “I order you” bullshit.  Who fucking died and made you Queen.  Learn your fucking place.  Its the fucking internet.  Your nothing more then a click away from my personal amusment.  I applaude your use of freedom of speech.  Now respect our use of it as well.

Keep your shirt on....always.  Sleep in it, bathe in it, whatever.  The last think i need to see are your sad excuses for “lady lumps” (i’ve always wanted to use that in a sentence).  If you’ve got it flaunt and and girl you do not have it.  What happened to the whole “christian theme”.  Once again you prove yourself a hypocrite.  I honestly dont know what your looking for.  I think you got a little 15 minutes of fame and think your some kind of star.  WE ARE LAUGHING AT YOU...NOT WITH YOU!  You may...MAY...have a small handful of people who actually buy what you say.  But lets be honest here.  There is no way.  Atleast Leave Brittany alone boy had merit and emotion.  Your like a walking rock.  Toads have more personality.  I may just kiss a toad right now!

So bottom line...just stop.  Your hurting yourself and making me feel great about myself at the same time.  The only good think you offer is your a role model for other chick with low self-esteem.  They see your video and think “Hey...i guess im not that bad”

Go die under a rock.  Your youtube page with get the highest ratings ever.

(This may not be 500 words...but i dont give a fuck)

Ohh, and happy birthday to me =]

What a first post!

Bravo!

-A.Filth

AtomicFilth - 14 April 2008 05:18 AM

What a first post!

Bravo!



-A.Filth

Thank you very much