Are you sick of having sexy bikini babes wash your car for you? Sick of the site of 34DD brusing against your windows? Why not buy a Subaru Forrester. They’ll get you some Sumo wrestlers to wash your car for you.
Right, the weekend is just round the corner, and you know the last one was crap for you, hopeless, couldn’t pull a thing. This weekend just might be better, and with the aid of a bit of pornogami, you might, you just might, be impressive enough pull. Pass the waitress an origami vagina fashioned from a currency of your choice, she’ll be impressed, or fabricate a 3d cock for her, she’ll love it. And if it fails to work, and you end up alone again, fold yourself a fanny out of one of those tissues you keep by your bed and do away with the middle man, you weirdo.
What goes in must come out one way or another. This means that if you drink loads of beer/vodka/coke or any other liquids you will have to take a piss at one point in time. And taking a piss while you are drunker then Paula Abdul on Idols is not an easy task. Fun for us, but not for him.
I don’t have kids myself, but I have seen other people’s kids. And I can imagine some of them not being too happy with what came out from between those spread wide open legs. Basically the term sweet was invented for ugly babies. As it is not done to leave your just born in the fresh vegetable section of your local Wal Mart you are stuck with the same brat for the next 18 years. Your whole family vibe gets ruined and your life starts to suck like the little one on your red and blistered nipples. But rejoice, help is at hand. The solution to all your child problems is called Child Trader and they will sort you out with a kid that suits you.
The Vietnam War was partly famous for the soldiers that fought in it. They were so high on all kinds of drugs they must have thought they were in a Disney ride. The soldiers in Iraq ar emuch better behaved when it comes to drug use. They are professional that know they have an example to set to the ..hold on...is that the Easter Bunny...walking the streets of an Iraqi town? I guess the drugs do work
The million dollar question is what the fuck happened to news anchor Sue Simmons that made her shout out What the fuck are you doing? on air? Did she gets her tits pinched? Did her co-anchor whip his dick out? You tell me.
Over the years we’ve posted tons of cool Japanese TV gameshows and it has finally dawned on Western TV execs that they needs to steal some of those ideas and bring them to our TV stations. The Danes are the first to have a go. They have taken a good look at the Japanese version of Human Tetris and made it their own Danish version of Human Tetris. In other words, copied it And we hope more countries get busy copying.
You could say that people in a marching band are a bit nerdy. But who knew they had a good sense of humor? The kid on the receiving end of an outstretched leg does.
The sun is attempting to give us all skincancer today so I am going to take it up on its offer pretty soon, but not before we bring you a public service announcement letting you know drugs are good for you. Think about that tonight when some sleazebag offers you some coke or a tab.
Being the weatherman on TV must bea tough job. One day your moment of glory follows a highspeed chase involving a celebrity and the next your lead in by a couple of dogs doing silly shit. It just can’t be easy and it almost brought the poor guy to tears.
Are you a game addict? If so, I’m sure you can sympathise with Sn4tchbuckl3r. He needs to go on a treatment program to get rid of his addiction and it just doesn’t look good. This is from the same people that brought us You Suck At Photoshop so you know it will be good. And it is.
If we are to believe dead and buried Ronal Reagan Russia was in the Dark Ages during the Cold War. And we were in Cloud Cuckooland presumably. The fact of the matter is that Hollywood classics such as Terminator, Midnight Cowboy and Cattle Queen Of Montana did not make it to Russian livingrooms until the mid 90’s. And lets be honest, it takes a nation that drinks a lot at least 20 years to come to terms with the idea of movie effects. Breaking a bottle on someone’s head simply isn’t a case of grab and smash. Yet, this imbecile and this dumbass still try. And FAIL.
I had an uncontrollable urge to find you what the hoodrat skank was yelling in the subway clip from a couple of days ago. And thank the lord Allah that I don’t have to wonder the barren dessert of incomprehensible English anymore with these helpful subtitles which where added to the benefit of normal people everywhere. She still needs to ..., though.
In the strict sense of the word every man has paid for sex in their life. Whether it is just a straight exchange of cash for a BJ in a back alley or buying the women you want to poke dinner and some flowers. We’ve all done it, we’ve all been there. Isn’t it about time the tables where turned? isn’t it about time the ladies start paying for a bit of when 2 become 1? Take a leaf out of this man’s book and how he owns a lady of the night. I bet she wasn’t expecting that to explode in her face.
A treadmill is for running on, not for trying to headbutt it with your full weight.
If you’ve ever been drunk you’ll know that your balance can be slightly off after 12 beers and a couple of shits. Climbing tall structures with nothing but solid underneath is therefore a definite no no. Bruce had to learn this lesson the hard way when he climbed his drunk ass to the top of a bridge in Australia. Luckily for him the firebrigade arrived just in time. To give us an instant internet classic.
No more vodka for this old lady taking her 17 inch PC monitor for a walk around the block. She can go back on the juice once she gets herself a proper 22 inch widescreen TFT.
Gary Numa Numa Brolsma has long been forgotten since his 2005 lipsynching hayday. But could Numa Numa be making a comeback. After seeing these mantits go wild we have to think the worse.
Scaring people half to death can be quite good fun. Especially if you do it under the false pretense of “teaching them a lesson”. It justifies the crap you are about to unleash on your victim. And unleash it this prankster did. His aunt, the victim, loses it completely and he should count himself lucky she did not pop out a Glock and cap him one.
If the sun isn’t shining and you don’t have any fine scantily dressed honeys to look at in your hood, you could always play Swear Bingo. It is sure to relief you of boredom and it might even get you a night in the hospital.
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