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Matt Harding is still dancing around the world in 2008 making funny clips and getting paid for it. Maybe I should start a Where the hell is Willy site and wank myself around the world. I’m sure that would go down well with the kids in Soweto.
Apple fanboys always tell us that Steve Jobs’inventions are far safer to use then Uncle Bill’s bullshit. I guess they just haven’t seen this video of a young black male pounding the living daylight out of a woman just because he wants her iPhone. Nice to see that bystanders help out in situations like this.
Some people are just born stupid. They can’t help it if they become the failures that they are. As long as they don’t hurt others we should just let them be and make fools of themselves. Robbing a store with a palm tree should only lead to our laughter not to our anger.
Before we start the day we would like to make a public service announcement. If you use firefox you might have experienced some problems with the videos on Totally Crap (and NSFW). They start of fine and then stop after 5 seconds. After that you’d swear and blame us for having a crap site and crap player. But it is not us. It has to do with the Firefox Flash combination. These two lovers had a falling out that has now been fixed. We hope. If you upgrade to Flash 10 beta you should be able to enjoy Totally Crap to the full again.
It’s the weekend. Time to throw off your work clothes, freshen up, put on your party gear and score some chicas. Just make sure you stay focused or you might miss the start of something good.
Nick Bollea and his dad Hulk Hogan must be so proud when they see this video of John Graziano and his missing head lying in a coma in a hospital while Nick and Hulk are planning their next move on the reality TV show circuit. C*nts.
Our title on this lazy Sunday is called Plunk Pool, and it is a derivative of Billiards. The game basically has you putting a few balls into holes that are worth different amounts of points. The levels change every time you win, and different obstacles and opportunities crop up. Enjoy, see you tomorrow!
If you live in a city and don’t own your own private parking space you are playing a game called The Quest each and every night you come home from work. It is like a fucking jungle out there and if you’re unlucky you’ll have to park a 10 minute walk away from your destination. And the thing that really gets you going is some fuckwit who has parked his car using two spaces. It can drive a person mad and that can lead to parking being done in the following way.
Greg Locke is an engineer from New-Zealand with a passion for music. He wanted to combine the two and came up with The Trons. A fully autmoated band playing musicical instruments. In tune. Listen and be impressed by The Trons playing Sister Robot.
Kentucky Fried Chicken is famed for the wonders it performs with chicken in its kitchens. We can now add their excellent customer service as a reason to stop at a KFC next time you pass one. Just check out how they deal with a customer that is threatening to not leave a piece of chicken for anyone else. The only shame about this video is that the fat bitch will probably use it in a court of law to get a settlement that will enable her to keep her weaf in tact for the rest of her days.
While the Dutch title challenge imploded in Basel last night, Scott Kalitta’s racing career and (drag) race car exploded. During a run at the Lucas Oil NHRA SuperNationals Scott’s Toyota Solara exploded at close to 300mph. And to finish the job it also plowed into a wall. R.I.P. Scott Kalitta.
Our game today is a fun little time waster called the Rag Doll Cannon. Basically you shoot what can only be called corpses out of a cannon, towards a target. The bodies are animated with the Rag Doll physics model, and the best way to have them hit the target is to bounce them off the back wall (like a basketball backboard). It’s amusing, for sure, on a Saturday especially.
Tonight we (the Dutch) start from zero. Do or die. After 9 out of 9 points and 9 goals scored we have to try and crush the Russians in our Euro 2008 quarter final. Portugal has crashed out and so did Croatia. Will it be Holland or Russia to go through tonight? Leave your scoreline prediction in the comments and if you are the one with the first correct guess (1 guess per person) you win a shirt from our shop. In the meantime I am going to get ready for the game and if you want to know what all the orange fuss is about check this stream of the Oranje Party in Basel, Switzerland.
Update: Well, that sucked ass big time. Holland played like crap and the Ruskis played brilliant. No one predicted the right score, but I’ll give it to Bluejake as he at least had the full time score correct.
If you can’t pay your subway ticket you could always follow this chicks method to collect the fare money. Get your tits out. Slighty NSFW.
For some reason I have the idea that pick up tires are not made for drifting. Bloody hell what a crash.
Our next game today is Canon Blaster 2, the sequel to the original Canon Blaster game. For those of you who do not remember the original, this game is easy to learn, yet hard to win. You must launch your man from barrel to barrel using the space bar. Sometimes you can move the barrel with the arrow keys, and if you miss, you die. End of story!
If we mention her name we really should pay some attention to her and her assets. The three of them flew into the Caribbean for a fun filled beach vacation. And with fun filled we mean fun filled for the lucky bloke getting all cosy with Gemma and her assets.
If you are going to spend $150.000+ on a car please don’t treat it liek a $10 crack whore that is going to suck your cock. Treat it with respect. Treat it with love. Don’t let it run out of petrol and don’t crash it into a crappy shitty worthless car. It just pains the heart to see a cock with a car like that.
Britney Spears and Xtina Aguilera are going to be quacking in their pumps when they hear this chick with the golden voice light up your ears. It won’t be long before the first upskirts will be making their way into our mailbox.
Our first game today is called Tank Defense. It is not quite Tower Defense, and not quite Tank Wars. Basically folks, you take on a bunch of oncoming tanks and try to blow them up before they reach you. No surprises. Enjoy.
Slowly release the breaks, add some more gas and let go of that clutch. Oh yeah, and don’t lean back. FAIL on all parts.
Who’d have thought it? A BMW stopping a runaway train engine in its tracks. I know BMW make some solid cars with great ride and handling, but I never knew it was capable of bringing a 20 ton lump of metal to a halt. I just hope he was insured.
One day you’ll become a helpless old person in need of permanent care. if you have a kind family they’ll take you in and let you live out your last years in a happy environment. If you have a family that would rather see the back of you they’ll dump you in a nursing home with all the other old folks and you’ll spend you last years playing cards and eating crap food. And if you have a family that can’t be bothered with both you’ll get stuck with a carer that takes care of all your needs in your own home. Unless you get stuck with Frau Himmler like this poor old Israeli grandma.
If you play with fire you have to be prepared to get burnt. And guess what? This dumbass gets burnt and his mates are no help whatsoever. If he wanted to get rid of the hairs on his legs he could have just his mum’s ladyshave.
The laws of physics state that if you roll something round and heavy, like a tractor tire, down a hill it will smack the shit out of you if you stand in its way. A lesson missed by this young man.
last year the honour of being the official babe of the British Formula 1 Grand Prix fell to friend of Totally Crap Gemma Atkinson. Not wanting to change all that much the organisers have this time gone for another Gemma. Meet Gemma Garrett: Official Female Tits Face of the British Formula 1 Grand Prix.
Running on a treadmill is a bitch in itself. The slap in the face and the resulting face plant are not going to help matters much. Who needs enemies.
After yesterday’s Triple Spinning capers some more fun and games from the land of the Rising Nutters, Japan. This time the game involves some sort of butt pushing and mud diving. Stay tuned for the presenter who is going to show you how to break your neck if you feel like it.
If you are a child of the rock 90’s like me you’ll be interested in this. Axl Rose has been working on Chinese Democracy for 5 decades and has spent the GDP of an average African country on production. And still the fucking thing is not on the market. On Wednesday 9 songs that sound as if they are 95% done got leaked on the world wide webs. And quickly removed. But we’re sure you can still find some Chinese Democracy here. My first thoughts; not quite the G’N’R I remember.
You know you should retire from driving anything motorized when you can’t even take a simple left-hander at a slow speed. Like the man on the bus said, Can you let me out please.
Never throw beer, still contained in a bottle or can, at a rock star with a drink and drug problem while he is performing on stage. It will get you a lot of abuse and some embarassing internet coverage.
On Tuesday the Dutch national team beat the Romanian national team in a game of football with a 2-0 score line. The Dutch were already through and fielded a team of, what some would call, second string players. Willy was in the stands and did indeed see some second string performances, as the biggest rip of the night was in fact courtesy of substitute Rafael van der Vaart aka van der Fart.
From now on we definitely do not want to see anymore Britney Spears upskirts. She just turned into a man called Derrick Barry.
Forget the Ab King Pro or doing countless sit up. if you want to train your stomach muscles all you need is a golf club, a golf ball and a friend willing to help. And a willingness to piss blood for a week.
Pissing people off while on a metro train is never a smart thing to do. You can’t really get off very quickly and the bloody thing always stands still that second too long to escape real punishment. This slutty bitch with a future in porn found that out through someone’s hand in her face.
Here’s Kim Kardashian in a bikini with her huge ass. Her claim to fame is that one crappy porno where you can’t see anything. There’s also rumors that she had an ass implant.
The game today is called Puzzle Farter, and it is a little bit of action and a little bit of thinking. Also, unless you want your fellow office workers to think you are serious gastrointestinal distress, I would turn the volume down. As you use the arrow keys to move around the game map, you will notice that if you press up arrow, you will fart and fly up as if you were wearing a jetpack. Oh boy.
In Japan they have discovered the cheaper, but also slightly more painful, way to that dizzy feeling you get when drinking too much alcohol. As we don´t speak Japanese we´ll call it Triple Spinning.
Sometimes trying to do better than your best can cause you a serious headache. Bye bye Peking.
When we were on our trip to Bern I got done for speeding in France. C/unts were waiting at the bottom of a hill with their little lasergun. Driving too fast can be dangerous for your wallet people. Don´t do it. Unless you are absolutely sure you can get away with it. These people watching some car do a bit of rally driving thought they could get away with standing in a corner too. I hope the photos they took were worth the broken limbs.
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