This woman has an amazing talent. Not only will she eat anything she can get her grubby little hands on, but she has found a way to clap without having to drop the food.

Two Belgian policemen who were meant to look after a parade ended up being so drunk they could hardly stand up. The two promised to never do it again and in true Belgian fashion are continueing to work on full pay until a review board examines the matter.

Someone fill me in on the rules of softball. Is she out or is she in?

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This kid has a long way to go before he can compete with the real legbreakers of this world, but this first fuck up is a fail in the right direction.

I know some people are desperate for attention, but what the flaming fuck is going on here?

Damn it. Ginger boy is going to get so much pussy after this new episode of South Park airs next week.

I’m still in doubt as to what this is. Is it music or is it beastiality? A man blowing a goat would fall under the latter, but when that goat makes music I tend to go with the first option. You decide.

The last post we did about Sunny Leone went down well with you lot, so here she is again wearing some chain lingerie.

Here she comes. Crashhelmet wearing blonde babe on a bike attempting to cross a stream over some makeshift shitty bridge. FAIL. She gets all wet and it is a shame we don;t have footage of her taking those wet clothes off and drying her no doubt sexy bod in the sun.

When you’re high up in a tree doing some wotk you need to be fucking careful about how you do that work. This guy wasn’t and it almost cost him his life.

The mystery has been unravelled. Michael Jackson is not dead. He’s Lady GaGa. She’s taking up the void when it comes to elaborate video productions with conviction. This is her latest effort for Telephone and credits due where credits due. it’s fucking weird, massive and over the top. And even kind of enjoyable to watch. She’s still a dog though.

So, have you ever wondered what would happen if they mixed Clue with Minesweeper, and threw in a bit of the Memory game for fun? Yeah, me neither. Well, Clue Sweeper is just that. As you click to reveal clues or a number which tells you how many clues are in the surrounding 8 blocks, you will eventually be able to figure out who did it. Or, at least, you are supposed to.

Two swinging couples from Britain - I made that first bit up - are holidaying in the States and come across a hearse on fire. Ironic? It is to them.

Chatroulette is the star of the show for the next few weeks and we need to milk it. Someone took the time to pinpoint chatroulette users across the globe on a Google map therebye creating the Chatroulettemap. I found two masturbating ladies (Purmerend in Holland and Moers in Nordrhein- Westfalen Germany). If you spot other interesting chatters drop them in the comments. Suffice to say this will turn into a NSFW topic soon.

During some construction and maintenance work at an Austrian coal mine things didn’t go according to plan. At all.

Reindeer Jolf was feeling horny and upon seeing his female zoo keeper he decided he wanted to poke her. She said NO but Jolf just would not take NO for an answer and even harrassed some of the male zoo keepers. Who, as a sign of affection, hit him over the head with a shovel.

It’s not nice of me to say, but sometimes I forget about Gemma. And then she comes popping back into our little Totally Crap lives. Fuck me, she’s hot. No need to photoshop her to bits though, just let her use her natural curves to play the boys.

Always classic when a psychic calls you a dickhead using nothing but a pen and paper.

23-year-old Robson Rocha Costa died of hemorrhagic shock Sunday, a day after the accident in a friendly match in southern Brazil. Witnesses say Costa was hurt after a sliding play near the end line. A small piece of the court apparently came off as he was sliding, initially hitting his thigh and then making it to his intestines. Costa was immediately taken to a hospital and underwent surgery, but succumbed to his injuries. RIP.

In Europe it is every boy’s dream to become a world famous football player. In the US it is every boy’s dream to one day play in the NBA, but seeing as white men can’t jump that priviledge - and the millions and bitches that come with it - is blacks only. This white kid can jump and he might have made it if his daddy could have just attached the rim to the house with more than 3 bolts.

Today’s title is Black 3. That’s the third installment of the Black franchise, not “Black 3,” like a codename or something. The game is a top-down shooter, where you have to use the AWSD keys and the mouse to aim and shoot. Make sure to take out the enemies right as you round the walls, or else you will eventually eat it.

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Here’s a fun game for you courtesy of Lindsay Lohan. Let’s see if you can spot her cameltoe while she’s prancing about besides her pool.

Talk about crazy, nuts, insane, off the hook, dicing with death. This moron, but cool, mofo lies down on a dirt track and lets a rally car jump him. Fucking insane.

Prepare yourself for some horrible Russian dance music accompanied by Russian pornstar Katja Sambuca - who once had herself eaten out by 84 men in a 4 hour timespan - getting her tits out at every possible ocassion. NSFW.

While I’m sitting here in my wank tank of an office pounding out blog after blog I could be standing on a beach admiring Alessandra Ambrosio’s ass. Some bonus Alessandra.

Here is a wonderful lesson in life. If you set your mind to something you can achieve anything. Even banging that tall leggy bitch you’ve been dreming about for weeks.

Haven’t got a clue who Natasha Poly is but she’s welcome to come by any time to explain herself.

I think we found our Ginger friend a new girlfriend. She has red hair, wears glasses and can’t sing to safe her life. Here on Totally Crap we call that a Triple Fail.

It was my b-day yesterday so forgive me for being a day late with some of this shit. Whenever I pick my son up from kindergarten I take extra care when crossing the roads. Will the speeding Beemer stop or not? Better to be safe than sorry I guess. This fuckwit of a mother should take that advise while she and her 7-year-old kid still can.

The game today is Ricochet. The name is misleading though, as the ball you use the mouse to move doesn’t do much “richoceting.” You have to use the ball to wipe out the yellow stars within the amount of bounces the level permits. You know the drill.

A guy by the name of Michael Barnes just gave every Modern Warfare 2 fanboy sticky pants. I have no idea how he made this but that it looks amazing is beyond doubt. No Russian could be how Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 would look if it were ever turned into a movie. Respect to Michael, but I’d still knife him.

She’s hot. She’s blonde. And she’s wearing nothing but lingerie. It’s Brooklyn Decker. Lovely.

We always applaud ladies who keep their rainforrest in check, but do it safely ladies. Please.

A wedding is always a happy occassion - unless your daddy pimped your 12 -year-old ass to your 56-year-old uncle because tradition dictates it. Plenty of song, dance and laughter, throw in some alcohol and high spirits and people can start to do crazy things. Like kill a guy on a bicycle.

Getting rid of packs of snow and ice on a roof is showing great initiative. It might even prevent the roof from falling on the cars parked below. I’m just not sure if the owners of those cars are too happy with where these morons are dumping the snow and ice.

Today’s little puzzler is called Joll’s Game. The object is to use the different colored creatures to collect their babies of the same color. Nothing like keepin’ the monster races pure, huh? Well, you should be able to figure this one out.

Okay, Jovit whatshisname can pack his bags. Susan Boyle can go back to being a recluse. This lady from Georgia shows us what real talent is. Slightly NSFW.

A couple of years ago we gave away some great Sumo beanbags. And we’re giving some away again. This time The Sumo Gamer. I tested one and I while still got killed playing Modern Warfare 2, I did get killed more comfortably because my ass was parked in the Sumo Gamer. Last time round I wanted you to send in pictures of your sorry ass chairs. To win a Sumo Gamer I want you to send in a photo of your crappy gaming situation like this guy did. Include a sign mentioning TotallyCrap.com in the picture or your entry will not be valid. Contest runs until March 8th.
Note: Open to US and EU citizens only. Sorry.

Pity the poor guy working his digger near the concrete silo, already damaged by the earthquake which hit Chile last week. The whole structure collapses on him and lands right on top of his digger. Suffice to say he didn’t stand a chance.

Shocking news this. A very local outbreak of mad cow disease was detected at the opening of a H&M store in the French town of Toulouse. It seems the local female population went nuts at the thought of being able to score some striped shirts designed by Sonia Ryckiel. The tore was through its stock in 5 minutes and yet months later women will be wondering why they bought the ugly things hanging in their closet without even trying them on first.

Look at this poor sod at the recycle center. He seperates his garbage and still it is not enough for the mad cow in the grey car. She - we presume - twice tries to run the greenie over.

Gingers might have souls, but apparently they don’t have friends any more. I think this has gone on long enough and the guy should leave his fun an games along and concentrate on getting some pussy.

I’m sure you’ve all seen the dramatic footage of a poker tournament in Berlin being robbed live on air. Panic, chaos, screams and shouts. Apparently 6 gunmen burst in waving around AK-47s and grenades. A real life movie heist but with real guns and less subtlety. Now take a look at this second video of the robbery. All I spot are two guys waving some iron bars about and one even gets caught by a security guard. In short: amateurs who might have had some help from the inside.

Today’s game is a fun platformer that I’ve got for you. It is called Babe Rescue, and if you like grainy, 8-bit, hand-drawn strippers, then you’re gonna love this one. The object is to blast your way through the places you go, all the while looking for stripper hostages and killing the bad guys. Arrow keys and A and Z keys are the order of the day. Have fun, and remember, strippers!

Hallelujah. Finally a gym with lessons I’d be willing to sign up to. Bring on the asses.

We Twitter. We facebook. We Farmville. We pay online shooters. We Skype. We MSN. And we tend to film ourselves doing silly shit while no one else is in the room. Why?

A man in Pakistan jumped into the rhino enclosure to ave sex with the animal. Okay, the last part is my own dirty fantasy, but the dumbass did jump in and the rhino spotted him and went to work. The moron only survived because he played dead and the animal lost interest. Which is a shame really.

Here’s a little moral dilemma to get you thinking this Monday morning. Drug and alcohol addicted woman get pregnant every day and 9 month later a drug or alcohol addicted baby pops out and ges taking into care immediately. About 10 months later the same thing happens to the same addict. But now there is Project Prevention which pays crackhead women $300 to have themselves sterilized so they can’t pop out any more crack addicted babies. There ar eloads of Pros and Cons to this, but I’m going to side with the babies and would even suggest we expand this project to lay about mums and dads who simply keep having kids to claim more benefits. Bascially, if you’re incapable of looking after children you shouldn’t have any.

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We associate golf with etiquette, men in polo shirts and neatly pressed trousers. A sport for those with plenty of time and some cash to spare, but a group of slum kids from India didn’t let that stop them playing the game. They don’t use the lush fairways or neatly clipped greens of a real golf club. Nor do they use real clubs or balls. Instead they use the roofs and alleys of the slums they live in as a course and melted iron bars and plastic balls to play with. They do, however, value tradition and play their game by the same rules as the real game of golf.

Wow, this guy is so angry he could drink their piss blood.

Running and riding a bike don’t go together well and if you don’t believe me maybe you’ll believe this guy riding his BMX on a threadmill. But for how long?

It’s Oscar weekend and I’m all excited about sitting through a 4 hour show with all the juicy bits beeped out. Anyways, short film is always a category that is speeded over and with good reason. Hardly any fucker goes to see that shit, but me, I like some of that stuff. Now, Sign Language is not nominated for an Oscar, but it is a sweet little video about Sign Language on the streets of London.

If you think I look silly with this mowhawk clap your hands. I’m clapping like crazy, but they’re still going.

Today’s game is not so thinky. Yay, I know you are all secretly cheering. The game is called Gravity Hook HD, and it is basically Bionic Commando in one direction. You use the mouse to pick grapple points for your man to grab on to as he climbs ever higher. See how far you can get before falling off the screen.

You’ve got to start them off on the alcoholics at an early age in Russia so their liver will be shot to bits by the time they hit their 30’s. It makes Russia just such a better place to live in.

5-year-old Laura thinks she’s Lady Gaga and I believe she’s right in that assumption. She looks silly and the singing sucks too.

I feel like crap. I’m eating nails and have a got a headache so here’s some bird named Catrin Claesen showing off some swimwear.

Sometimes fear is a really funny thing.

Wohahahahahahahahaha. That’s all I could think off to say about this video of a fat dude doing donuts in his yellow BMW.

You take one dickhead in a crappy Jaguar. Add excessive speed, a damp road, a tight corner and an obvious accident blackspot and you’ve got yourself one hell of a homevideo.

I don’t really understand what he is singing half the time, but one can’t deny the fact that Jovit Baldivino’s performance on Pilipinas Got Talent tugs at your heart strings a little. The guy is 16-years-old, his parents don’t have work and live in poverty, he goes to school to try and get a degree and sells Chinese food after his classes to support his family. And he is one humble dude with a big voice.

Today’s game is called Home Sheep Home. The game involves you having to move 3 sheep—a big one, a small one, and a just right (medium) one - through various obstacles to the finish line. Of course, there are puzzles to solve to do so. Arrow keys to move, and mouse or number keys to select.

Leona Lewis won the UK version of X-Factor and her career has gone pretty well. She even represented the UK at the closing ceremony of the 2009 Olympics. But any great artist knows you haven’t made it big if your work doesn’t get used in tribute videos on the interwebs. Let’s just say Leona has finally made it big.

What we’ve got here is a red room. With hot and sexy Sunny Leone standing, sitting and lying in it.

Holy crap people. I’ve seen some weird shit on Totally Crap over the years, but this ranks in the top 10, or maybe my mind is simply letting me down. A guy appears to jump from a bus moving at full speed and gets hit by a car also travelling at full speed. Weird, freaky and sure to leave a headache.

Being stuck in a desert with nothing but sand and hostiles surrounding you can get pretty stressful and boring. To pass the time you can try ans snipe a couple of camel humps, play some cards, have a wank or be original and try some of that parkour shit. Did anyone spot the camping sniper bitch too?

Screw the LOLCATZ, Sammy the static electricity dog is the LOL for me.

A simple collection of brides having some sexy fun before they get shackled to the stove by their grooms.

John Lambert is a true cop. He knows what to protect and serve means. During snowy weather John tried to help a stranded motorist and got sent flying by another one, nut not before pushing the person he was trying to help out of the way.

What do you get when you get a bunch of dumbasses in the same backyard with a plan on how to build their own homemade mortar? Yup. An accident waiting to happen.

When they’re not busy fighting terrorists this mob of friends likes to cruise the streets on their motorbikes and impress the ladies with some tricks. Lets hope Osama doesn’t see them having fun.

World famous artist and lover of naked people Spencer Tunick did it again. He managed to persuade thousands of men and women to shed their clothes and pose naked in front of the Sydney Opera House. Slighty NSFW but its art.