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Goodmorning everyone. I hope you all had a good night’s sleep and are ready for the working or schoolday. All you peeps in Oz and NZ are already heading home at this hour, pining for that first cold beer from the fridge. Ah happy days. Time to get all your juices flowing. This English as a Second Language Wanka likes nothing more than a good bit of video to wake me up in the morning or when I come home from my day job of cleaning toilets. I think this will wake you up pretty good.
I used to like Happy Days until I found out the world is not really that simple and luvvy dubby. And hanging out in the toilets might have seen cool, but all it did was classify you as the school pervert. European car maker, Citroen, thinks we might buy its absolutely shitty cars if it associates itself with a sitcom from days gone by, but all it does is confirm that Citroen has lost it way and has departed the path of creativity it was once known for. Oh, and if their cars are put together as crap as this commercial I wouldn’t want one if it were given to me for free (this is a blantant lie from my side).
Thanks guys (and girls). I am getting sent more and more pics of your (ex) girlfriends and I love it. I really need the wanking material and most of it is very good. Keep em cumming. Tonight it is Lizzy’s turn to stand in the spotlight that is TC fame. Lizzy is a latina, I think, and likes to support her charities. You and me amongst them. So, not just a looker but also a good women at heart. What more can a man want apart from some moving images and a facial? Enjoy Lizzy. I am not sure she will enjoy you. Thanks to the submitter.
I always drive too fast and are grateful that I hardly ever get caught. It nearly happened this weekend though, luckily Missus Wanka alerted The Wanka just in time for him to apply the brakes and avoif a hefty fine. If you do get caught or get asked to pull over, the smart thing to do is to comply with the demands. Ignoring police commands will only result in a good kicking, a big fine and a stinking headache and hospital bill.
Just a quickie to tell you about some cool mixes by some cool people that will keep your ears humming for the next week. I know I have been neglecting the beats a little bit, but help is at hand and Beedee should be bringing you the latest mashes and mixes on TC pretty soon. To get you used to the idea here are this weekends coolest downloads.
Partyben’s SIXX MIXX 105, RHAPSODIC EDITION.
DJ tyler C’s Guerrilla Mix 004.
mcsleazy - press play and record (part 1)
mcsleazy - press play and record (part 2)
mcsleazy - press play and record (part 3)
mcsleazy - press play and record (part 4)
mcsleazy - press play and record (part 5)
However sad the following news story is it still confirms a generalisation about people that work at Mickey D’s. They are dumb. How on earth can you otherwise explain a manager asking a member of staff to come into the backroom, making her take her clothes off, getting some more people into the backroom and having the poor women perform acts of humiliation in the buff. All due to the instruction of a pervert on the phone that pretends to be a cop. I think McDonalds university really needs to take a look at the curriculum, cause they are obviously making peeps dumber and not smarter. Fuckwit of the week goes to said manager.
The Land of the Rising Sun has done it again. They have some up with a porn concept that will surely satisfy 90% of men’s fantasies. What about a metro carriage full of horny schoolgirls, or gymnasium or a classroom? Yeps, this is all about the females abusing the men and I for one am all for it. Except for the last bit, those strap-ons are best left aside ladies.
Some desperate people have appeared on shows such as the X Factor and different Idols variants. I always just watch the first 4 episodes or so. You know, the shows about the people that think they’ve got it, but the only thing they’ve got is a one-way ticket to unemployment. Steven from Sheffield is such a hopeless wonder. Steven’s idol is Eminem and he has been told he has got what it takes. By his dog I reckon. Anyways, have fun watching The Real Dim Shady.
Jackass kicked ass, but Dirty Sanchez kicks Jack’s ass. These filthy nutters from Wales staple their balls to the table, whack each other in the head with golfballs and run one another over with their car. Why? I don’t fucking know. Maybe they score boatloads of chicks doing this kind of shit. Oh, did I mention they also like to drink the odd pint of beer? No, well, they do. Get me a cold one.
The Xbox 360 is going to hit stores before Xmas. Can I wait? Yes, as I think the PS3 will probably be better. Would I like Microsoft to prove me wrong? Of course. If any of you Crapsters out there have already gotten their hands on a 360 and know what it can do let us know in the comments. The rest of us will just have to make do with this commercial of a bunch of Afro-americans doing the Double Dutch, which, contrary to my first beliefs, is not a porn related activity.
The World’s greatest bearded dickhead, Osama Bin Laden, has a new video message in which he tells the world and especially his pet hate, the USA, to be prepared to blah blah blah. No, in all seriousness, using Osama as an object to get some cheap laughs is like taking all his victims and pissing on them in their graves. OK, still not being serious, but that is exactly what Osama can’t seem to be in this video message from the grotto.
Does everyone remember that looter from New Orleans? Sure you do, he was the guy stealing that most essential item needed to survive a torrid time. A case of beers. Heineken did the only thing they could and decided to cash in on his fame and has featured him in a new commercial. Finally a big international company that has the balls to take its commercial message all the way down to the streets.
Since Idols (American Idol) came onto our TV screens any limp muthahubba that at one point in their life had been told he/she could sing has been trying to make it big. If not by actually singing some good shit, than by acting the ass and making a complete fool of themselves. In Holland we had Herman. Herman is a fucked-up freakazoid with the singing ability that is on par with Mariah Careys acting ability. Because of this he managed to convince a ‘businessman’ to let him make a record. If that wasn’t bad enough some Z-list celebrities are getting in on the ‘lets rape a famous song’ act and are ruining my eardrums. Bai Ling is such a “celebrity”, who she is or what she does is beyond me too. Bring on the howling dogs is all I’ll say. Bai Ling via Perez Hilton.
United States of Americans love big gazz guzzling trucks and 4x4 vehicles. You selfsih bastards. Moaning about having to pay $2 for a gallon of gas. We have to pay $2 for a flipping litre of gas. So, save a part of the world and drive something a little more economical like a Porsche or Mini Cooper S (Willy still wants one and is still looking for sponsors). China, the land of copycats, has fallen for the 4x4 craze. Rich Chinamen spend their weekends plowing up poor farmer’s fields and killing single children (I made this part up, don’t sue me). That these Chinamen are still learning how to drive (and recover) a 4x4 properly can clearly be seen from these pictures. Ice anyone?
All of us have at one point in time had a shitty job that you absolutely hated going to every morning. Maybe you are still in that job. If so, listen to Willy’s Wise Words. Quit now. Go find yourself a job you will enjoy even if it pays less. Your life will be so much more relaxed and you will have so much more time for finding pussy. My most shitty job was working as a 16 year old in the Dutch meat packers industry. I mean the job of actually packing freshly killed meat, not the rent boy scene you dirty minded bastards. The fellow in this resignation video does what a lot of us have dreamt about. Leaving the company in full glory. Shame the cameraman will never get an oscar for his awefull acting. America, funny clip, but two more unemployed dudes living on your taxes.
Italian state television channel RAI News 24, says it has proof that the US military has used napalm in Iraq. The use of napalm was widespread during the Vietnam War and left thousands of badly scarred victims. To see it allegedly used in a densly populated area such as Fallujah does not bode well. It tells me something the world apart from the Bush administration already knows, the US boys in Iraq are having a bloody tough time trying to get these ungrateful Iraqi bastards to embrace democracy. You can watch the news item and alleged proof of naplam use here. Time to wake up and smell the coffee?
Mariah Carey has left the path of classic diva and has turned into the side street that is Hip Hop hotty. She has turned into a serious ghetto hoe with a very serious rack up front. Not that I am complaining. It is a much better look for her (and us) then the way she used to look 10 years ago. The problem with Mariah is that she is a bit of an attention whore. Most of the time this results in ridiculous behaviour we don’t care about. Sometimes it results in us getting our hands on some very nice photos. Don’t take any notice of the butt ugly dog in the middle of the first picture. If you don’t look at it it won’t ruin the rest of the experience. Trust Willy on this, I’ve tried it.
We always love to see revenge pictures of hot young women that trusted their loved one. As much as we love them, as much we think that the scorned lovers are little pricks for sending them in and ruining a girl’s life. Now, you might say we are a part of this ruination process. Very true, but if by doing this we save one poor sexy female soul from making the same mistake Girl X did, we will have achieved something. X was a bitch (apparently) and so is revenge X. Nice tits by the way. Wouldn’t mind seeing more of those.
Update: X is a bit of a spoil-sport and doesn’t want us admiring her good looks. She has asked me to take down the pics from TC and being the gentleman I am I will. She also asked me to provide her with the name of the bastard that mailed them to me. Sorry, X, a gentleman does not a snitch make. To make up for it some good bedroom action for all to enjoy (even X)
Update 2: More censorship? Yes, we don’t want to piss those VT boys and girls off too much. One of them might become Prez one day and take TC out the air for good. Hell, we all still know who we are talking about.
Madonna might be a 47 year old mum of two sprogs, but she stil looks fit as hell. She performed her new single, Hung Up, at the European Music Awards and looked very hot (for someone with that hair) in those tight leotards and knee-high fuck me boots. It is just a shame that these awards shows are getting so controlled that is rumoured that the enthusiastic crowds at the front of the stage were all hired hands. If so, shame on you MTV, even Portugues woman with tashes should have been allowed at the front.
Update: Madge’s latest offering here and here. Or just get yourself a torrent client and start searching.
For the ninth night in a row the Parisian suburbs have been beleagured by angry youths that have thusfar set light to thousands of cars cars and buses. The violence has also spread to other big cities in France. Why has this happened? Well, maybe 20 years of government neglict in the immigrant areas of the big cities lies at the base of this problem, but the start of the violence by immigrant youngsters was given by the death of two youths that were on the run from the police. The smart-arses hid in an electricity sub-station and got French fried. Maybe instead of torching other peoples stuff the troublemakers should think about the fact that the two dead comrades should not have run from the cops. Especially if they did nothing to warrant police attention. The big question now is when and where will it end. Already an innocent handicapped woman was drenched in petrol and set alight. If we have any French visitors to TC that have amateur footage of pictures of the events we would love to see them.
Last night the MTV European Music Awards were hosted in Lisbon by Borat. Borat called Madonna a transvesite, the Pussy Cat Dolls international singing prostitutes and made fun of Freddy Mercury dying of AIDS. All in all an un-MTV evening out. The re-runs will probably get censored but we are used to that. One thing we are also used to is videoclips being censored to not contain swearing or nudity. Rapper J-Shin didn’t care and made the video he wanted to make (for download) NSFW. I really want to see more of this when I am eating my breakfast in front of the TV.
OK guys and girls. Rob is a amateur photographer who runs the site lauramodel.info. It is named after Rob’s girlfriend Laura. However, Rob’s not a one woman man. Apart from taking pictures of his teenage models, Rob also likes to show some of these models his Little Rob. Do you think Laura knows about this? I don’t think so. Take Wilma (890-925) and Namea (822-837) for instance. Wilma shows you what she’s got and then Rob show her what he’s got. Laura also has some sets to please (or hurt) your eyes. Set 1 (396-471), set 2 (493-590) and set 3 (638-703). Just change the number in the url to suit your needs. Be quick, gone is gone.
Update: Lets not forget Sarim’s hardcore set that were removed. And lets look at Diana (122-285) aswell.
So, what do you do if your big sister is hotter than you, has bigger tits than you (I am guessing, any confirmation would be nice) and has a better career than you. Well, you start behaving like a little spoilt brat that doesn’t get what she wants. Add some alcohol into the mixture, a video camera and let the fun begin.
I didn’t have a clue who Michelle Deighton was until a linktipper sent in some pictures of her pussy eating a white all-in-one ensemble. She appeared on America’s Next Top Model and came in sixth. Not bad for a bi-sexual wrestlers from Indiana. I am sorry Michelle, but to me you just look like a clapped out junky trying to get a next fix by appeasing the masses. For those of you that would like to see a real hot model I have lovely Lucy waiting for you with her tits out.
Even the disabled inhabitants of this wonderful planet need to get their rocks off at one point or another. As they ask to be treated as equals they should also be able to experience all the pleasures us abled folks do. Limbless peeps should be allowed to experience a good wank, blind folks should be able to know what a beautiful woman with a pearl necklace looks like and deaf people should be able to experince the joys of phone sex. Scream baby scream!
People everywhere continue to do stupid shit. And we keep posting it. The friends in this paintball clip decide it would be fun to unload their guns onto a live target. This target happens to be one of the friends who has actually volunteered. My guess is this dude will be US prez within 10 years. His chest, arms and head get shot to shit and he must be hurting like hell.
You already knew that Willy likes pussy. What you didn’t know yet is that in fact Willy is a pussy. I for one would never absail from a cliff face or bungee jump. I prefer to be in control of things and the thrills and spills of fast cars and go-karting is as far as I’ll go. Plenty of brave peeps do like to bungee jump and I am sure some of the jumpers have probably crapped their pants. This crocodile bungee guy must have crapped his pants when he got more then he bargained for.
Update: Change the cat from WTF to Commercials as this is apparently an old Fosters beer commercial. Very nicely put together and very funny indeed.
Paris Hilton, you know her as that fuck bunny that featured in that leaked homevideo a couple of years ago, likes to be centerstage whenever there is something to celebrate. Even when there is nothing to celebrate Miss Hilton likes to show off her face. Take Halloween, fuck knows what we are suppossed to celebrate, but Miss Hilton took the opportunity to show us her bunny outfit. Would I do her? Probably not. Judge for yourself (more and even more)
TC is late again. Do I care? Not really. A well-known deodorant brand made a commercial specially for Halloween. This brand always tells us that by using it we will score with the ladies. Maybe taking a shower once in while would do the trick too. Unless you are called Gantz. In that case all the help you can get is welcome. Just fucking with you Gantz. Anyway, as I live 4 storeys high I didn’t really get bothered by kids in ridiculous costumes begging for candy that will rot their teeth, so I didn’t figure out it was Halloween yesterday until today. Still a funny commercial though.
“I’m A Model, Ya Know What I Mean. And I Do My Little Turn On The Catwalk. Yeah On The Catwalk. On The Catwalk Yeah. I Do My Little Turn On The Catwalk”. Come on everybody, SING!!! “I’m Too Sexy For My Love. Too Sexy For My Love. Love’s Going To Leave”. Yeah right.
We have a lot of visitors from the US, so I am not sure you guys and girls know who Crazy Frog is. Us Europeans know him all to well. Crazy Frog is basically an annoying little cunt in the shape of a cartoon frog that is used for very annoying and irritation ringtones and music remixes. The company that uses it as a marketing tool should be closed down and if you want to know why just listen to that Crazy f-ing Frog murder some national tunes.
The University of California, San Diego’s administration has been threatening SRTV, UCSD’s Student Run Television, with content regulation for over a year. In celebration of Freedom of Speech Week, Stevie Why productions and Koala TV have decided to produce a student-made pornographic film and air it on SRTV. We will find out if freedom of speech and expression still exist here at UCSD. Not much more I can add to their own text except say that I am sure practising freedom of speech with a dick in one’s mouth must be pretty hard and ask why at my Highschool and Uni we never had any extra curricular activities such as these? Nearly forgot the links here and pics here and ofcourse to thank the submitter Hairyjedi. (film and pics are NSFW, obviously)
I get way too few and I mean way too few of these kinds of entries from you loyal Crappers out there. If you don’t know what I am talking about take a look at the titel. It will explain to you that I am talking about pics or vids of (ex-) girlfriends of yours. Especially if they are as goodlooking as Amber over here. I won’t mention the bloke that sent these to me, but I hope you will show him your gratitude in the comments. Gents (and ladies) send me those sexy partner pics, I am gagging for them.
The internet, a videocamera, some arsehole friends and a bad idea are a very very bad combination. Especially if you are the victim on the end of this bad idea. We have seen people stun-gunned to the ground by their friends, we have seen people have wooden planks smashed across their nose by planks that aim like girls. You can now add setting your friends arm on fire while he is asleep to this list. Man, I would love to have friends like these. Still funny though.
I would like to ask all Californians a question. Are you happy with Arnold as your govenor? Now, I am not asking you if he is better than potential democrats or whatever, just if he is doing what he promised he would do. Probably not. As all politicians. Arnold gave up a life of movie stardom to serve the people, but which people does he serve exactly? Well, to find out we must take a little trip to Arnolds Street. There he will introduce us to his closest friends. Lets get back to making movies Arnold. PS I in no way support any political stance whatsoever as I do not want to alienate any potential visitors to TC.
Now, as you might know we are in the process of getting ourselves a new host. One that sees the bandwidth that you lot burn not as a cost but as an opportunity to spread the TC message to all corners of the globe. This new host will be eating a fine bit of steak on my costs soon as I try to convince him of mine and your worth and I hope this will make them see the potential of TC. I can’t do it alone though and I need your help. Realroot has launched an initiative which will enable everyone that wants one to have their own url. For free. Yes FREE. So, if you ever wanted to have you own url you now can for fuck all costs. OK, you will have the Belgium .be to deal with, but who cares it is free. So, do me and yourself a favor and go visit Trade.be for your free domain name and show them what the power of TC means.
Damon Albarn’s pet project Gorillaz make some of my favorite music at the moment. Their mix of traditional vocals and electronic beats combined with funky video clips really gets my brain going. Yeah, you can call me nuts in the comments. No one has ever seen the Gorillaz perform live as it is essentially a cartoon band. We only know them from such kickass videoclips Feel Food Inc (from new album Demon Days) and a not often seen video for Dirty Harry. Rumor has it the Gorillaz are going to be performing at this years MTV European Music Awards in Lisboa on November the 3rd. As holograms.
A little bang to finish of the night with. I’ll keep it short as most of you will read past this and jump straight for your gun as you think you are going to get to see a little nookie action. You are correct in thinking this, but you’ll have to be quick. The woman in the clip is auditioning for the part as the Princess Diana memorial fountain and if it were up to me she’d get the job hands down. Squirt away my dear.
Hypnotism is not for me. I didn’t need it to quite smoking and I sure as hell don’t need it to feel like a wanker. I have never seen the attraction of people getting up on stage and volunteering to be hypnotised so they can become a chicken for 30 seconds. They are either seriously depraved of attention or think they might have actually been a chicken in a previous life. The hypnotist in the following clip really makes his victims look like dicks and pussies as he makes them do things to a donut and cucumber that you’ll normally only find in your specialised online porn videostore. Watch the kid all the way on the left, I pity the woman who gets her pussy eaten by him, Mister chomper.
With Holland being known for its liberal laws on sex and recreational drugs use a concept such as The Beaver Bong appeals to me, a true Dutchman, straight away. Coupling sex and drugs use is nothing new. My parents did it in the 70’s when the made me and named me Willy Wanka 9 months later. I think Beaver Bong is not aimed at the romantics amongst us for whom a little coke before sex meant being able to go at it for hours and hours. Beaver Bong is aimed at todays college student who likes nothing more than to blow daddy’s cash on drink, girls and drugs and to send us the pics to prove it. Party on.
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