totallycrap.com
Home | RSS | Archive | Forum | Contact
If you are online for serveral years now you must know the Bad Day at the Office movie. There is a new film that spoofs the good old Bad Day movie. This time the systems fights back!
WHO? Csisztu Zsuzsa was once a famous gymnast. She is now presents some shows on TV in her native Hungary. She is also the latest celeb to have a home made sex video become public property. She dances, prances, fingers, sucks and fucks her way through about 20 minutes of tape. I know you hate it, but I cut it into two parts to keep the quality high. In Part 1 you see her dancing and fingering. Part 2 is her fucking and sucking. Anybody know the Hungarian for ‘Suck it up bitch’?
The Take It Like A Man site is exactly what has been missing from my and many a man’s life. Thank God this has come along, cause there is nothing worse then your girlfriend wrecking your arsehole the incorrect way. At least with this site’s help you can still return that strap-on you got your loved one for Valentine’s Day after only one usage. If they don’t smell it they might even take it back. I reckon this site was inspired by no-one less then our very own Fuck or be Fucked loser of the year. Shall I bend over now or will later be okay?
In the March edition of Playboy Magazine you will find a photoshoot from Jillian Grace. I can hear you think who the fuck is Jillian Grace. But Jillian is the girl that, together with her mother, was begging in The Howard Stern Show if Howard could ask Mr Viagra Hugh Hefner a favor so Jillian could show us her titties in Playboy Magazine. 18 Years old and All natural, here are the Playboy pictures of Jillian. Currently she is dating Pauly Shore. That’s the proof that God exists. And he is evil.
OK, get searching and keep your internet eyes open, cause we have a new porn scandal heading this way. A few of the lads in Her Majesty’s Life Guards apparently filmed a little orgy they had with someone named ‘Lizzy’. If we find it we will let you know immediately and we hope that you would do the same for us and your fellow TC visitors. Let’s make that soldier stand to attention.
You won’t ever have heard of Dutch actress Marjolein Keuning before. To be honest neither had I. In The Netherlands however, she has quite a succesful carrier on TV and in the theatre. Recently a Dutch TV production company dumped a load of old videotapes with the trash. A passer-by noticed, picked up the videotapes and amongst others found deleted scenes from a famous dramaseries which shows Miss Keuning in the buff. This scene was never meant to be shown anywhere, but today we will show you. Short, but oh so sweet.
OK, seeing as today was a ‘special’ day I’ll give you one more for the road. Gunslinger27 has decided to share his ex-girlfriend with us. Some of you will be glad about this, others will just bitch and moan about her looks, technique and fuck knows what else. I reckon a bit more gratitude should go out to those that share their (ex-)girlfriends with us and if you don’t agree why don’t you pluk up the courage and send us some hot shots of your girlfriend and we will judge your taste here on TC. One thing that can be said is that Gunslinger’s ex-bird has a massive pair of knockers. Watch it yourself. Here’s hoping there’s more to come.
Just because we care about you, our loyal visitor. Tons more videos for you to download. Once again I cannot guarantee that this will stay online for very long, so be quick.
Ladies and gentlemen, this will be one of the worst Idols performances you will ever, ever see. Not just because she can’t sing and dance, but also because Mary Roach is so out of touch with life itself. Is she gonna make it to Hollywood. Only if she is willing to perform in some Assault That Ass DVD.
Update (14:18pm GMT): If the first link doesn’t work you can also find Mary Roach here and here.
Your black. You have on a nice suit. You are wearing your headphones. All in all you look cool as shit. Until you decide to slide down the escalator instead of use it how it was intended to be used. All is well until you get to the bottom bit. You were not smart enough to ask yourself that simple question ‘How will I stop?’. I’ll tell you how you will stop. With your arse smacking the ground, that’s how. I think we need a new category. This is definitely a Funny Impact.
We just can’t stop giving you gifts straight from heaven. In this second Valentine’s Day Open Dir post we give you a link with hundreds of galleries, such as these amateur teens. if this doesn’t get your tikker going nothing will. Unless your a girl and in that case we apologise and will try and find you an open dir that suits your needs. Feel free to post your own open dirs in the comments. Like the Gangbang Madame always says, The More The Merrier.
Update (17:10pm): A huge open dir with some tasty pics.
For all you budding Chippendales out there who didn’t receive a single Valentine’s Day card (the one from your mother does not count unless you live in Arkansas) don’t worry, we have found a bunch of ladies that are just there for your pleasure. Find them all waiting for you here.
Update (15:23pm): Arghh, what the hell. Some massive vids archive to keep you entertained (be quick, might not last long).
Ted Bundy was (cause he got fried) a very notorious serial killer back in the 1980’s. He confessed to 28 gruesome killings. Now, for the first time, audio recordings of interviews with Bundy taken by police days before his execution have been obtained. The reason why it has been so long before the tapes were made public is because they contain detailed descriptions of Bundy’s crimes. And let me tell you, they weren’t pretty. If you want to have a good night’s sleep or a romantic evening with the lady, don’t listen to them (just yet).
These days proclaiming you are a Muslim is about as welcome at a party as saying you are a lwayer or a tax collector. It ain’t exactly the most popular faith in the Western world. It is however, the fastest growing. So, what do we, the ignorant, need to know about this faith. Muslims, that are not busy beheading civilians, always tell us that the Islam is a peaceful religion and that the perpetrators of these acts of violence are not real Muslims. A group of ex-Muslims has started the Apostates of Islam site to inform us about the other side of that peaceful religion. An example is a video of a group of men being stoned to death (watch at own risk). Not very peaceful is it? But then again neither is Judaism or was/is Christianity. Or could it just be that the interpretation of all religion is somewhat abused?
Fucking lovely. A topic about herpes straight after two topics that involve shagging. Yes, we are not just here to entertain your trouser-snake, but also to warn you about the dangers that having actual sex can present to you. You all know about HIV, AIDS (if you don’t go see a doctor please) and nasty rashes. Well, another very nasty unwanted visitor in the genital area is herpes. If you do not want to feel the embarassment or pain that these herpes sufferers feel, make sure you just keep spanking the monkey instead of exploring the cave.
These are the same guys as in our earlier post FPS: Arse Bandits. I don’t know about you folks, but during my highschool years parties never ended up, or started, like this. Maybe they did and I was just to pissed on vodka, but that is besides the point. What did once happen (this is were I tell you a funny anecdote) was that a friend of mine was boosting that he had frenched with a certain girl, not knowing that moments before this joyous occassion she had blown (and swallowed) another dude at the party. Hilarity ensued. But anyway. I cut this video into two part to preserve the quality. Here are Part 1 and Part 2. Hope this ensures a party in your pants for a good start to the new week.
Update: Rapidshare is becoming a bitch as they are deleting porn files. Someone was kind enough to up it to another free service which I’ll be testing with new material. Part 2 again.
And we have another one for you. I can find a way to describe this for you, but I won’t. It basically involves a woman, a man and a couch. Get it here.
Top Gun was on the telly here the other day. All that formation flying looks the shit on TV, but I reckon it can’t be all that easy in real life. Same goes for that scene from Apocalypse Now when the choppers are flying in formation to the battle sound of Wagener’s Ride of the Valkyries. Looks fucking great, but when attempted by two pilots out in the real world things don’t really go according to plan.
We have seen plenty of evidence of Japanese craziness already. Eels up the arse, female puking on one another, a poo ice cream cone, the list is probably endless. A gameshow has decided to combine the Japanese love of weird nakedness and weird, humiliating games to create a naked, humiliating game. Humiliating to the contestants that is. To us trying to squeeze 15 naked females into a see-through phonebox is just pure entertainment.
Two genius Doctors, Adam Kay and Suman Biswas (sorry, no picture of him), have come up with a fantastic way of raising money for children with cancer; by making hilariously funny song’s that consist of a lot of f***ing and blinding. The album ‘Fitness to Practise’, mainly deals with the deeply dark side of working in a chaotic accident and emergency department in the UK. The track ‘London underground’ however, has become rather popular on the internet in the last few weeks. It is beautifully funny, albeit rather rude. Very true though. More information on the album and track listing can be found here.
Normally an Arse Bandit is a male who bums other males. In proper English, a gay. In this case that is not true. You are right when thinking there is some major bumming going on in this clip, but it is all male on female action. They start off with 6 in a tiny bathroom (fuck knows why) and end up doing it all over the living room. They seem a bit crusty to me, but that shouldn’t distract you from the excellent work that the ladies deliver. I know you will love it, so enjoy it and there is more to cum.
Eminem has had to go through a lot of shit (Vanilla Ice’s rep for one) to get the respect he now has in the black community. His success has opened a lot of doors to a lot of other white hip hop artists. The trouble with this hip hop lark becoming big amongst middle class white kids is that a lot of them think they are or could be the next Em. Unfortunately for them all it has given the world are precious and hilarious footage of wiggers thinking they are the shizzle to the nizzle. Slim Shady? Slim change more like.
If you are going to dare the King, don’t be a queen about it. You want to watch a lard-ass eat a stick of butter and throw it all back up? Go ahead make your day and watch it here.
To prove to you that not only blokes know how to smash each others faces in we present you with Smackfest ‘05. Two biatches smack the shit out of each other for some money in a radioshow contest. Does this qualify them as smack whores?
Some say that football is a game for gentlemen played by hooligans and rugby is a game for hooligans played by gentlemen. I only know I prefer football and that certainly the harcore football fans, otherwise known as hooligans, are much more entertaining to the neutral eye. Hooligans At Play is an hour long video with some amazing/shocking footage (some taken by hoollies and some by the police) of what these ‘fans’ get up to. All for the love of their club. Yeah right. From personal experience I can tell you that getting caught in the middle ain’t a whole lot of fun. Video is broken up into 38 rar files (I recommend using Firefox and the Downthemall plugin). Unpack the rar files and play.
We know you like those girl-next-door sex vids, so here is another one. The video involves a drunk girl shagging some dude in front of the camera. I think it was taken at Mardi Gras, but that does not really matter though does it. She is pretty hot and goes for it. What more do you want?
There are remote controlled airplanes and there are Remote Controlled Airplanes. The one used in this video is one of the latter. A seriously kick-ass flying machine. It is even powerful enough to take a man into the sky. Or is it?
I’m not usually one to judge, but some guys have some SERIOUS issues with how they get their sexual kick. These guys get a kick out of a fat bird plonking her fat arse on their faces. Each to their own I guess. I myself do not often say no to a bit of face sitting, but then again, who am I to complain when its shaped like this?
Kim Jong-Illinthehead’s North Korea finally told the world that they have nuclear capabilities. Do you feel any less safe when going to bed tonight? I won’t. Especially after seeing that half-God sing he is so ronely at night. Poor Kim, maybe we should buy him a puppy to keep him company.
Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. You got the present. You got the cheap wine. You got some candles and found a good take-away that will make it look as if you slaved away for hours in the kitchen. Now for some tunes. Being a die-hard hip hop fan all you have is Snoop Dogg’s latest homage to biatches and Eminem’s rant about gays. Not really your lady’s cup of tea, and you really, really want to get into her pants. Let us help you. In our playlist you can find fine unplugged or romantic versions of your hip hop favs so the Party in the Pants is back on. Our playlist consists of Baby Got Back, Insane in the Brain, Gin and Juice, Two Thugs, some Dre and Snoop Dogg and finally What’s your Fantasy. I know mine, but I ain’t telling.
If you are looking for an activity to participate in this weekend, look no further then your local role playing club. Go on. Join up. You can be Kampffuhrer Fritz one week and General Patton the next. Even more fun is to join up with the fantasy role players. Wizards, witches, knights and fuck knows what other characters will make an appearance. Don’t be a pussy and take that step towards human interaction. Fun guaranteed. Not convinced, watch this infommercial and become a new man (or woman, the choice is yours).
Wow. This gun has awesome power. Having the Gattling amongst your ranks must make easy meat of most Third World armies. Watch this compilation vid and marvel at it’s simply mindblowing power. To have 5 minutes with this would be amazing.
What do you do if you really want to work in the porn business, but you have a slight embarassing condition called premature ejaculation? That’s right. You become a Stunt Cock . You are there to make that money-shot a cert every time. Bill and Earl became stunt cocks and the porn industry has taken them to heart. No adult film-set is complete without them. Watch the story of their rise to new heights here. Via Fleshbot.
Sorry if the titel is misleading, but we do not have them (yet), we are looking for them. Anne has a full nude scene in upcoming movie Havoc and the talk on the grapevine is that it is a pretty hot scene. To wet your appetite we found some pics here of Anne in a rather fetching see-thru ensemble her blind stylist threw together for the School of Rock premiere. If you find any stills or movie footage of the mentioned Havoc scene let us know.
This is our last installment of the SKinny Puppy series. After Part 1 and Part 2 we bring you Part 3: Uni Girl. Skinny Puppy has found himself another willing chick and tapes it all for our benefit. You gotta love the cum shot at the end. So enjoy!!!
I had heard of the Camel Toe phenomenon, but not yet of the Whale Tail craze that has been sweeping the land of female buttocks across the world. After years of the world putting up with the infamous ‘builders crack’ this is a welcome and refreshing change. The Whale Tail is, however, very vunerable. It only looks good on sexy girls. The danger is that it will get abused by the not so fortunate. If you are a Dumpsterslut, please leave the the Whale Tail alone. Otherwise we might need to call Greenpeace and your big ass. Thanks Garv.
When will people learn not to be over-confident when fucking around with the forces of gravity? Never hopefully. We have found another two dumbasses that have a trick go wrong. The first guy is trying to show us his ‘look no feet’ trick. Wham, bam thank you man. The second guy is showing us how to get down the stairs quickly. While wearing skates. Being clever is not always the smart option.
This is what I call a proper spread. Tons of pictures of Silvia Hackle who was Miss Austria 2004. Now she is a hot dame posing in the German Playboy edition. For more (international) Playboy shoots go here. Go Bunnies Go.
71 Days 14 hours 18 minutes and 33 seconds. This is how long Ellen MacArthur, a 28 year-old British woman, took to sail solo around the world. She has tried for several solo records in the past, but was often unlucky with either bad weather or with damage to her vessel. This time she hit the jackpot. She had the balls to keep on trying and (a lesson to us all?) has overcome. TC praises where praise is well deserved. So, well done Ellen.
Update: Read Ellen’s day by day account.
Time for some sporting news. Hours before you yanks were watching grown men with tons of padding act like divas and gangstas for 3 hours, across the Atlantic in Europe the Rugby Six Nations kicked off. One of the games was Wales against England. England were World Champs not long ago and Wales had not beaten England in 12 years. One Welshman decided to have a bet. He’d cut off his balls if Wales beat England. Hail Mary mother of Jesus. Wales beat England. What everyone thought was a joke became reality. Bye bye balls.
Members: 119504
Posts: 11386
Comments: 53034
Lily Allen In Cannes
Drunk vs Truck
Nasty Russian Crash
Amy Winehouse Does Totally Crap
Neve Campbell Does Topless
